Here is yet another shining example of how America’s Greatest Space Agency wastes the tax payers’ money. The following conversation was between me and a friend at work about a woman who attended my meeting this afternoon. I have to admit that she was indeed cute, but not at all my type. Anyway, as I said, this is an actual conversation held over the internet via email on our BlackBerrys:

DW: I envy your job sometimes Mr Cose. WOW is what I have to say about Contractor!!

[A short time later]

DW: No comment on me envying your job?? :)

JC: I figured everyone wanted to be me. Seriously, though, speaking of jobs…is there going to be one in your shop soon?

DW: I really want to be you if I can work with Contractor. I am not sure. There may be an opening. Why? You in search? You would have to work for me. So which is better -me or your Idiot Boss :) It may be like picking between herpes and hemorrhoids- as we say in the South.

JC: Which are you? I'm always looking, you should know that by now. Keep me posted.

DW: Will do. Keep me posted on Contractor :)

JC: She lives with her boyfriend--sorry dude. But can try to work that DW charm on her.

DW: Damn. He probably is a Hill staffer too!! Damn political people you. You must of checked too :) Too good to be true.

JC: First of all I'm not a political type and second of all she and the Republican were talking about their trip to the Outer Banks last week and it came up. Apparently, he's a bit pasty and doesn't do well in the sun...3rd degree burns all over his back.

DW: Pasty guys. Ha! Ha! That is why she needs a guy with some color- like yellow/tan would be good :)

JC: Hey. I've got that subtle Jewish olive complexion. And she is one of my peeps. Maybe I should...

DW: She is Jewish too. Hey I play on the DCJCC softball league. I love Kosher. Will that help me?? Mom would love her - us being Catholic and all. :)

JC: Apparently Boyfriend is Catholic too. So now you may have an in.

DW: Thanks for the 411 man. I will owe you info too. Boyfriend, the pasty white Catholic. He is probably Irish I assume.

JC: Would be my guess.

The boy was so impressed
With the woman in the skimpy dress
For fifty dollars
And a quarter of an hour
She pretended that he was the best

A MOMENT WITH ALYESKA

It took me longer than I expected to get out of the cemetery. I wandered the grounds for days. I walked past broken headstones. I passed faded and forgotten names: these were once mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, and children. It was a grim reminder of what’s to come and the vicious cycle of life. Indeed, these were once people who loved and were loved. There’s no doubt that at those eulogies many a voice swore that the newly departed would not be soon forgotten, yet, who remembers Sarah, Joseph, or Carolyn? Who lays a flower upon the grave of young Stephen, born 1846 and died 1848? I realize that this will soon be me, and who will mourn for Jo Cose 100 years hence? I am reminded of Pozzo’s exclamation that “they give birth astride a grave, the light gleams an instant, then it’s night once more.” The only thing that would complete this macabre melancholy into which my current environs have hurled me would be the appearance of a shiny, black raven, whose single utterance of “nevermore” would peck deeper into my chilled heart than his razor-sharp beak could into my mortal flesh.

Fortunately, I am saved from spiraling out of control to the only possible outcome, and a lifeline appears in the form of a messenger with a telegram:

YOUR SERVICES ARE NEEDED ASAP STOP REPORT TO AIRPORT AT YOUR EARLIEST STOP TICKET WAITING TO TAKE YOU DOWN EAST STOP

I have no idea who sent the telegram, what will await me Down East, or how this young messenger on a bicycle found me in the middle of the cemetery, but I was grateful that she was willing to show me the way to the airport. As the telegram predicted, a ticket was waiting for me upon my arrival, and I couldn’t help but feel that I was no longer in control of my destiny. Nevertheless, as the plane climbed into the beautifully peaceful blue northern sky, I could feel my spirits lifting as we ascended to 50,000 feet above this small, insignificant Blue Marble that we call home.

I fell asleep and didn’t wake up until we began our descent, whereupon I discovered that I was refreshed and ready to face this new adventure. After disembarking and getting my luggage, I saw an older man in a chauffeur’s hat and a sign that read “Jo Cose” I dutifully followed my driver to the waiting car, and we drove and drove. The road we were on narrowed down to a country lane, and as I looked upon the passing houses, I noticed the architecture—Colonial, Georgian, Federal, Greek Revival, all sitting side-by-side—that is so unique to this area of the country. The Widow’s Walk atop each house in which countless wives looked seaward in the hopes of spying their captain-husbands’ ships returning, sitting low in the water with their bellies full of fresh fish, whale oil, or seal skins. How smooth were the floorboards from the centuries of pacing women? How warped were those same boards from centuries of tears?

As the houses began to thin, and the grass turned to reeds, and the land turned marshy, we made a right onto a little dirt road and wound our way to the shore where an old decrepit wharf stuck into the Atlantic Ocean like a finger accusingly pointing to the sea as if to say, “You! You are the cause of so much grief and heartache.” As I stepped out of the car, I could once again smell the salt in the air, see the foam of the ocean, and taste the longing to return to the water—a magical place where time seems to slow and cares are washed away on the surf with the phosphorescence.

Around me lay a tranquil and idyllic landscape. To my left a few miles up the coast stood a well-built and proud lighthouse, a symbol of an almost forgotten time when seamen relied more on instinct and courage to beat Mother Nature’s fury than technology and gadgets. Closer to the wharf, a few sailboats were anchored offshore, and a little red tugboat lay at the wharf, waiting for the call to assist a ship over the bar. At the end of the pier were two chairs. I made my way down the wooden structure, and sat down next to Alyeska. It seemed I’d discovered who I would be interviewing next. We sat in silence a few minutes longer, drinking in the majesty of the vista before us. Finally, I turned on the tape recorder and began to get to know Alyeska a little better.

JC: Let’s begin with my usual beginning point: could you please describe yourself in 15 words or less.

A: Ohhh gosh. I’d say artistic, creative, funny, klutzy, caring, understanding, a good friend.

JC: And what product’s slogan best describes you?

A: “Takes a licking, but keeps on ticking,” you know, Timex

JC: I’m curious about your username.

A: I got it from my favorite place to ski, in Girdwood, Alaska. The Alyeska Resort…best powder I ever saw.

JC: Where were you from?

A: I was born in Hyannis, Massachusetts, grew up here, and after high school, I went to Ringling School of Art in Sarasota, Florida. I moved back to the Cape for a time, then Boston, London, and Austin. I came back to the Cape about 11 years ago, and I currently live about 12 miles from Hyannis.

JC: And for the eligible folk here on YPF, what about some vitals?

A: I’m single. No kids. One very loveable sweet cat named Max.

JC: I see. So that leads to the next logical question for the creepy stalker-types we seem to attract here, what’s your sign, baby?

A: Leo, and it suits me well.

JC: What was the first camera you ever owned?

A: A Kodak Brownie that my grandfather gave me when I was about 6 years old. That was followed by a Polaroid Swinger, an instamatic, and then my first SLR—an Argus, which I still have.

JC: What’s your current setup?

A: Currently I have a Canon 400D with the kit lens, the EF 28-135 IS, and the EF 70-300 IS, a couple of extra batteries, UV filters, PC filters and tripod, a Tamrac Expedition 6 case. I also have my Panasonic Lumix DMC-FZ3 and a few filters for that as well (now my backup camera).

JC: That’s some serious stuff you got going there. How did you get into photography?

A: First time around, when I was a child, my grandfather got me interested in it. I shot pretty steadily and often until life took over, and the cost of processing got to me. Most recently, I bought the Panasonic in February 2005, and it’s reawakened my love of photography.

JC: Who’s your favorite photographer?

A: Ohhh gosh. That’s so hard to answer. I guess I’ll have to say Ansel Adams and Diane Arbus for two totally different reasons.

JC: How did you happen upon YPF?

A: Chiller invited me to join.

JC: If you could go anywhere in the world to take your ultimate picture, where would it be, and what would it be a picture of?

A: I would have to say wildlife in Alaska. I wish I had owned a digital camera the times I was there.

JC: As a way to steer the conversation away from photography for a few minutes, what other hobby most consumes you?

A: Kayaking, I took up the sport about 8 years ago and can’t get enough of it. It’s almost as expensive and consuming as photography. I find it to be a very Zen sport, very peaceful and it brings me back in touch with nature and myself.

JC: What are you currently reading?

A: Marley & Me by John Grogan…I’m laughing so hard my sides hurt.

JC: Who has most inspired you in life?

A: I’d have to say my mother. She raised me—as a single parent—in a time when single parents were not the norm. She taught me strength and purpose.

JC: Here’s another one of my staples: if you could invite anyone, alive or dead, real or fictional, to dinner, who would it be, where would you go, and what would you have to eat?

A: I’d invite my friend Heidi who passed away 5 years ago after fighting cancer for 7 years. We’d go to Cook’s Fried Seafood and stuff ourselves silly with fried clams. We’d laugh and cry and promise to do this again when we’re old ladies.

JC: You say in your profile that you love to cook. What do you cook best?

A: I think my best dish is Linguini with White Clam Sauce.

JC: What do you cook worst?

A: I don’t do too well cooking hamburgers.

JC: And what would you love to cook if you could, but can’t?

A: I’d love to be able to cook a roast suckling pig, but I don’t have a large enough oven or grill for it.

JC: We all have talents, skills, and abilities that we are exceptionally good at. If you had the opportunity to write a chapter in a book, what would it be on?

A: Funny you ask that, I’m currently writing a book. It’s a humorous view of my neighbors…in the style of the late Erma Bombeck.

JC: Alright, now’s the point in the interview where we get to everyone’s favorite: games. Let’s start with Word Association. How about Flower?

A: Spring.

JC: Rain?

A: Cozy.

JC: Film?

A: Camera.

JC: Camera?

A: Lens.

JC: JonMikal?

A: Amazing photographer.

JC: YPF?

A: Best forum.

JC: Computer?

A: Pain in the butt.

JC: Tree?

A: Leaves.

JC: Boston?

A: Red Sox.

JC: Tea Party?

A: Scones.

JC: New England?

A: Patriots.

JC: Yellow Pages.

A: My first job.

JC: Let’s try some favs. How about food?

A: Seafood.

JC: Song?

A: Winter Song by Chris Rea.

JC: Band?

A: The Rolling Stones.

JC: TV show?

A: “The Sopranos.”

JC: Movie?

A: Casablanca.

JC: Musical?

A: The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

JC: City?

A: Austin

JC: Country?

A: USA.

JC: Radio station?

A: 107.5 FM, WFCC.

JC: Restaurant?

A: The Paddock, in Hyannis, MA

JC: Book?

A: Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand.

JC: Movie star?

A: Katherine Hepburn.

JC: Flower?

A: Hydrangea.

JC: How about a few either ors? Let’s start with photography: digital or film?

A: Digital.

JC: Stick or automatic?

A: Stick.

JC: Pen or pencil?

A: Pen.

JC: LP or CD?

A: CD.

JC: Dining in or eating out?

A: Both as long as food is involved.

JC: Cinema or video?

A: Video.

JC: Nikon or Canon?

A: Canon

JC: Mac or PC?

A: PC.

JC: Jo Cose or JonMikal?

A: Even King Solomon couldn’t make that choice.

JC: Firefox or IE?

A: IE.

JC: Coffee or Tea?

A: Tea.

JC: Coke or Pepsi?

A: Coke.

JC: What do you do for a living?

A: I’m temporarily retired. I took a leave of absence from my job, as a project director for a hotel management company, which specialized in restoring classic hotels, to care for my elderly mother. It’s been a learning experience and very rewarding. I do miss my former work—especially the income—but I wouldn’t change things for the world. I do look forward to someday returning to the working world, maybe doing something new.

JC: What’s your fantasy job?

A: I’d love to be able to travel and work as a photographer…wow, that would be amazing.

JC: What’s your dream vacation?

A: I’d love to buy a big RV and travel to all the National Parks in North America, photographing all I can find.

JC: Nice segue back into photography. Tell us, what’s your favorite picture you’ve ever taken?

A: Ohhh gosh…I guess it’d have to be this one here. It’s an oldie. I shot it when I first bought my Panasonic. I found this funky pink and yellow dingy—I haven’t seen it since. Been back there many times looking to re-shoot it.

JC: What’s the crazies/dumbest/most dangerous thing you’ve ever done to get a shot?

A: I guess it was standing on the edge of a crumbly cliff here on the outer cape to get a shot of the surf. It was just OK, I’ve taken better shots.

JC: If you could be the admin for YPF for one day, what changes would you make?

A: I can’t think of a thing, I like it the way it is.

JC: What’s your favorite thing to take pictures of?

A: The beach, shoreline, water, birds…

JC: What in photography do you think you’re the best at?

A: Landscape.. I don’t do well with people photography.

JC: What do you think you most need work on in your photography?

A: I would say it’s exposure; I need to learn more in that area.

JC: What’s something in photography you’ve never tried but would love to?

A: I’d love to try underwater photography.

JC: What is it about photography that has made a hobby?

A: It’s reawakened my artistic side, I went to art school in the 1970s and put my art aside to make a living. Now that’s coming back to me full force, and I am trying to figure out where I can put a studio in my home.

JC: Finally, I like to end the interviews with the opportunity for you to offer whatever insight into life you may have, for posterity.

A: Shoot first, ask questions later.

With that, I shut off the tape recorder, thanked Alyeska for spending a wonderful afternoon with me, and leaned back in my chair to listen to the sound of the surf lapping against the beach. After what felt like an eternity just sitting there with my ears filled with the sirens’ song of the sea, I forced myself to stand up and, as I stretched, I saw that a bottle had washed up on the shore. Feeling self-consciously like Gordon Sumner, I made my way down to the beach, sure that the message in that bottle would lead me to my next interview.

Yea, so I applied for a job last month with the Federal Transit Administration, which is an agency within the Department of Transportation, as an Events Coordinator. It seems to be basically the job I have now with the responsibilities being flipped so that 60% is events and 40% is crap.

I called a few weeks ago to check the status of my application, and I was told that I had made the cert (governmenteeze for the short list). So, I called today to check to see if anything had progressed. Amazingly, I got a friendly and helpful person in DoT’s HR department. She told me again that I had made the list (which I already knew), but she said that I had scored 90 out of 100, so that was exciting. She also told me that the Selecting Official has until July 10 to conduct interviews and offer a job. I didn’t ask what happens on July 11, but I assume that this specific announcement goes away, and if that office wants to hire again, they’d need to start from the beginning.

So, while my dream job is not working for the FTA, I’m still pretty jazzed that I know that I scored that high! I’m just excited to know that I actually qualify for jobs that aren’t NASA related!

The one down side is that the government has weird rules when it comes to hiring. Even though I made the list, if they don’t interview anyone, they can select whoever they wish off the list. So, even though I got that 90 out of 100, if the person they really want for the job even made the cut by 1 point, they can select him or her and I’d be screwed—and we all know that that is the story of my life.

90 days and going strong

As most of you are aware, I have a weak spot for Ann Curry of “TODAY” fame. Unfortunately, the bedrock of my feelings for this lovely lady felt a rather large tremor this morning when she was reporting the morning news.

I can forgive most Americans for mispronouncing the names of foreigners, especially when they are spelled in an alphabet other than the one used in the US and other English speaking countries. However, I am also aware that in the media world, they always include a phonetic transliteration of hard-to-pronounce names. Likewise, I can excuse newscasters stumbling over names that are new to the news world (i.e., the daily barrage of Arabic names that no one can say or keep track of).

I do, however, draw the line with a politician who has been in the news since 1973. Granted he was a relative unknown then, but he has become increasingly more powerful and his name has become increasingly familiar as he has gone from an unknown MK in Israel’s Knesset to the Mayor of Jerusalem eventually to the Prime Minister of the State of Israel.

As such, I find it deplorable and rather offensive that my nymph of news, my madam of media, could mispronounce “Ehud Olmert” and call the poor man, “Ehud Olmer.” No, Ms. Curry, Hebrew is not an effeminate language like French. There are no soft Ts that need to be dropped. Please don’t offend the Israelis and make their language sound like that of the French. Seriously, no one really wants to be compared to the French, least of all the Jews.

Am I the only one who has “Dirty Laundry” in their head now?

OK, so for those who actually read this thing, you will know that I did really well with my one remaining vice. Then I faltered. I tried again, and again I failed. I tried to keep track here on the blog, but after only getting to week 2 before falling off the wagon, I decided that enough was enough, and have not posted anything about it.

Ne’ertheless, I have still been working at reining in this last vice o’ mine. For fear of looking weak, I have not mentioned it. Today, I am happy to say that I am back at it, and that today marks 60 days, that’s 2 months, clean and serene.

Although only time will tell, I’m feeling pretty good about it this time. I’ve been in bad positions in the last 60 days, and I have been strong each time. It took every ounce of strength I had, but each time I woke up the next morning and felt very good about myself.

Here’s hoping…

A MOMENT WITH CHILLER

You may be wondering why it has taken so long to post the next installment. To say that I’ve been to Hell and back would not only not be a cliché, but it would not even be figurative. I left Tampa and headed east with the intent of spending a little time in Miami. This was not meant to be. I stopped in the thriving metropolis of Clewiston for a bite to eat. This was not meant to be. To say that I looked death in the face is an understatement. As I walked across the parking lot of the restaurant, a black, pimped-out hearse screeched to a halt in front of me. A figure looking like a cross between Charon and the murderer in the Scream movies jumped out of the black car and ran toward me. As anyone would do at a time like that, I reached into my pocket, grabbed the first coin I could find, and stuck it under my tongue. It was to no avail, the Ferryman grabbed me, threw me into the back of the hearse where a soft, satin-lined coffin cushioned my landing, and pealed out as fast as he had stopped. The journey felt like days, but I kept my mouth shut—who, after all, would argue with Death or his minions?

Finally, the vehicle began to slow and came to a gentle stop (as if we had run out of gas). I heard my chauffer getting out of the car, and next thing I knew, I was released from my rather morbid captivity. He held out his hand like a bell hop, and I offered him the shiny (and saliva-y) quarter that I had been sucking on. As he pulled away, I could see the neon letters alongside the hearse, seeming to glow in the foggy night: it read “Lost Souls.” As I looked around to get my bearings, I took in the scene. For one split moment, I thought I was in Transylvania. But the friendly sign clearly told me otherwise. It read, “Toronto Necropolis.” It seemed that I was unable to get away from the Land of Canucks.

As my eyes adjusted to the gloomy conditions of a dense 19th-century-London like fog and full moon, I heard one of the eeriest sounds I have ever heard. It was the squeal of stone on stone—somewhat akin to the sound of nails on a chalkboard. As I oriented myself toward the sound, prepared for anything, I saw that the door to the crypt at the end of the lane (by the “dead end” sign) was slowly opening. I braced myself for…I didn’t really know what—zombies, skeletons, Dracula. Nothing, however, could have prepared me for the next thing that happened.

As the door opened, the light of several flickering candles inside the tomb painted preternatural shadows upon the ground. A figure appeared at the door, silhouetted by the dancing candlelight. In that moment, I became Ichabod Crane to this emerging black-cloaked figure’s Headless Horseman, and I shrunk back in fear. From deep within the folds of this Prince of Darkness’ velvet wrap issued a voice as melodious as it was frightening. It said, “Hey bro! Haow’s it gohin’, eh? Haow, aboot thaht pimped-oot Hearse, eh?”

To my great relief, I realized in an instant that I had not been summoned by Beelzebub, but rather by none other than Chiller. Once I had settled my nerves enough to write, I pulled out my pad and pen, sat down on a stone bench with the Chilly One, and began the interview:

JC: So, Chiller, besides “Scary as Shit,” what would you say is the expression that best describes you?

C: I have always believed in the motto, “Everyone has a dark side.” I think it’s true; it’s just that most people are afraid to show it.

JC: Tell us about your username.

C: The name Chiller came to me years ago, while a member of a Halloween forum. A guy I worked with said I was “creepy” because of my fascination with Halloween. He called me Chiller one day, and it has stuck since then.

JC: While we’re talking about usernames, what’s the deal with Ch1ller?

C: I guess I had better tell the truth; I know they are going to read this. Basically, Ch1ller is multiple personalities come to life. They were bottled up inside me, till one day, after an electrical accident at Halloween, the 4 of them came to life and took on my human forum. Now they won’t leave me alone. Sure, we go out and party together sometimes, but most of the time I try to do my own thing. I always have to watch over my shoulder, though, ya know, to see if they are watching over my shoulder too. Click here to see a shot of us foolin’ around one night.

JC: Were you born and raised here in the grave yard?

C: I was born in Scarborough Ontario, Canada, and I have lived here all my life...so far. I’ve always loved living near the Scarborough Bluffs. It can be my world away from the real world sometimes.

JC: And what do you do for a living here in Scarborough Ontario, Canada?

C: I’m a warehouse manager for a large format reprographics company. We do blueprints, sell large format plotters, engineering copiers, and media. We started this company from the ashes of a bankrupt company. It has gone from 4 employees to about 35, with 6 different offices in 5 years.

JC: Sounds like it’s pretty cool, and you seem proud of the company, but if you could have your dream job, what would it be?

C: I’m sure most of the folks on the Forum will assume I’m going to say working in a cemetery, but actually, I have always wanted to get into the movie industry, in the special effects departments. Either building miniatures, or designing sets. I think I have watched Lord of the Rings 5 times, and I still don’t know what most of the movie is about. I get too involved in watching how the movie was made. I have always loved building things, and I guess that is one place where my love for Halloween comes into play. Everything in my home haunt was scratch built. Maybe one day....ya never know, I might be doing my dream job.

JC: So what if you won the lottery and never had to worry about money or work ever again. How would you spend your days?

C: That’s a tough question Cose. I know there are a lot of places I would love to visit. I think I would take the time and actually visit them. On the list are Wales, Greece, DC (again), Australia, and New Zealand.

JC: Let’s move over the real bread and butter of this Forum, shall we? How did you get into photography?

C: I just fell into this hobby. I had no idea how deep I would get into it. A few years ago, I decided to take a cycling trip to Niagara Falls. I had trained for many months to make the 320km [198.8 miles] round trip. All I had packed was a cheap point and shoot film camera. After taking 48 pictures, I ended up with about 6 pics worth keeping. That was when I decided to get a “real” camera, a Canon Rebel film camera. Then I just got addicted to taking pictures.

JC: What type of gear do you have in you camera bag?

C: I have the Canon Digital Rebel, 18-55mm, 28-80mm, 70-300mm, 170-500mm, and a Sigma 28-105. Some accessories are 2Xextender, 250d close up lens, Lensbaby, and 17 assorted filters ( I won’t list them all), Sunpak Flash, wireless remote, and my Canon Rebel film camera which I blow the dust off of every now and then…usually when I forget to charge the batteries for my digital cam.

JC: Wow. That’s a lot of stuff. So, when you go out with that small lens store, what’s your favorite thing to take pictures of?

C: Flowers and Babies…nah, kidding, bro! Cemeteries, actually. I find the models here very cooperative.

JC: Right. Of course. So, what’s the one photographic technique that you have never done that you would love to try?

C: HDR. Sometime over the summer, I’m going to try it.

JC: What is your all-time favorite picture?

C: I have to say this one. I call it “The Uninvited Guest.” Mostly because it makes people laugh. Sometimes the pic does not have to be the best technically, but if it creates an emotion, it has done its job. I captured this shot while wandering through Edwards Gardens. There was some wedding photography going on. This dude comes over the hill, takes his shirt off, cracks open a bottle of water and a chocolate bar and plants himself here. I call it my gift shot.

JC: I remember when you posted it. It is a great shot, and I always get a chuckle out of seeing it. Although it’s your favorite, what is your dream shot? That is, if you could go anywhere in the world to take any shot at all, what would it be of and where?

C: Wales. I gotta see Wales, and wander the castles there. I think my dream shot is waiting someplace near one of those awesome castles.

JC: Who is your favorite photographer?

C: I don’t have a favorite photography. I don’t even know the work of any famous photogs. I’m constantly inspired by the photographers on the forum, no matter what their level of photography. I’m always amazed at how people see things.

JC: So who inspires you the most?

C: I’m inspired by anybody who can see an image and make it work. I have never watched the “professional” photographers, so I’m not really up on the who’s who of photography. All of my inspiration comes from the forum. JonMikal’s visions of the DC are an inspiration to anyone. Sir Ray, and his wildlife images, blow me away. Woody’s imagination in The Darkside and his HDRs are all framers. To be honest , the list can go on and on. Everyone has their own eye for photography, and all can be an inspiration.

JC: Photography is interesting and all, but let’s get back to finding out more about Chiller. Who’s the first girl you ever kissed?

C: Karen…I think…Or maybe it was Susan…Or was it both?

JC: Have you ever made out in a (real) cemetery?

C: Not yet, but I have found the place. I just need a willing combatant.

[I would swear that Chiller winked seductively at me after that last comment. I adjusted myself on the bench, and as nonchalantly as possible, I tried to slide a little further away. Then again, it may have merely been the moonlight flicking across his piercing yellow eyes.]

JC: What other hobbies have you tried in addition to photography?

C: Originally, I wanted to pursue a music career. I started playing drums at 13, and I played in various bands around the Toronto Club scene. I tried my hand at cartooning and illustration as well.

JC: I’ve heard the name Kane here and there. Who exactly is he?

C: I met Kane 10 years ago. I had heard about this dog that was living in an abusive home. I took him away, and Kane and I are best friends, and hiking partners.

JC: So, what’s the deal with all the death motif? How did you get into the macabre?

C: I have always had a fascination for the darker stuff. It pretty much started as a teenager. No, I never listened to my metal albums backwards, but I was more impressed by horror movies, and at that time all the classics were hitting the big screen. The screeeeemer movies: Friday the 13th, Halloween, The Evil Dead. They all came out at that time. I have been doing a haunted house for 11 years, I did dress up my parents house a bit. Yeah...they wondered. I really started to enjoy scaring the pants off people back then. The fact that my house backed onto a funeral home helped. My friend Doug’s parents owned it, so we got to wander around inside quite a bit. Still today, I’m as fascinated as I was years ago.

JC: Let’s move to something a little happier, eh? Why don’t you tell us your favorite joke?

C: A horse walks into a bar and steps up to order a drink. The bartender approaches him and says, “hay. Why the long face?”

JC: Er…yea, I’d probably stick with that gig at the warehouse. OK, so moving on. Let’s comment on that unique Chiller look. Have you ever had short hair?

C: Many moons ago. I have had long hair since I was 17. I just can’t cut it. Even my friends and family say I would not be me if I cut my hair. I wish I had a pic I could share. That was before the digital world, and those shots are safely stashed away at my Momma’s place.

JC: If you were given the opportunity to write a chapter in a book on anything you think you are an expert on, what would it be about?

C: Probably creating a Halloween home haunt.

JC: If you could invite anyone, alive or (un)dead, real or fictional, to dinner who would it be?

C: My Dad. I never spent enough time with him when I was younger. I would love to sit and have a chat with him over dinner, and most of all apologize for not spending the time I should have spent with him. I was too busy being cool in a rock band and forgot what you can learn from your father.

JC: Who is the one person who has had the most profound impact in your life?

C: Neil Peart the drummer from RUSH. I spent many an hour learning how to play drums like him. Not only his drumming, but also his way of writing lyrics has always inspired me when it came to music. If it was not for his drumming, I would never have played drums

JC: Let’s play everyone’s favorite: Word Association: Black.

C: Let’s hope I do this right. All those years on the forums, and never once played Word Association. OK, Black…let’s see, how about car.

JC: Card.

C: Spade.

JC: Poker.

C: Chip.

JC: Computer.

C: Internet.

JC: Canon.

C: Rocks!

JC: Nikon.

C: Doesn’t.

JC: Death.

C: Morgue.

JC: Casket.

C: Bury.

JC: Crypt.

C: Cemetery.

JC: Canadian.

C: eh?

JC: Toque.

C: Toboggan.

JC: Hoser.

C: Prime Minister.

JC: Alberta.

C: Prairies.

JC: You did great. Let’s move on to Choices. I begin with Black and White or Color?

C: Black.

JC: Er…OK. How about Video or Cinema?

C: Video.

JC: Nikon or Canon?

C: Canon...I’m not sure what that other one is.

JC: Digital or Analog?

C: Digital.

JC: O or OU?

C: O.

JC: Eh? or Y’all?

C: Eh?

JC: Clearly Canadian or Sprite?

C: Sprite.

JC: Coffee or Tea?

C: Tea.

JC: Rap or Rock?

C: Rock/Metal.

JC: Shoes or Sandals?

C: Shoes.

JC: For the ladies: Boxers or Briefs?

C: Briefs (grey).

JC: How about some Favorites: Movie?

C: The Exorcist.

JC: Song?

C: “2112,” by RUSH.

JC: TV Show?

C: “Trailer Park Boys.”

JC: Radio Station?

C: The Rock 94.9 FM.

JC: Vacation Spot?

C: My backyard.

JC: Canadian Province?

C: Ontario.

JC: US City?

C: Washington, DC.

JC: Country?

C: Canada.

JC: Historical era?

C: WWII era.

JC: Planet?

C: Earth.

JC: Drink?

C: Coke.

JC: Great. Let’s move back to photography. How did you find your way to YPF?

C: The Coven hexed me.

JC: I know that you, like many of us, have found your way to YPF via several other photography forums. You have been a very active member of all of them, but never in a leadership position. What makes this forum different?

C: I think with YPF it is the people, and the fresh start. I have always believed that you respect the person first. Everyone has their own visions, and a photograph is a reflection of what that person has seen at a specific moment in time. With YPF, I hope we can make everyone feel comfortable, and no one should be afraid to post his or her images.

JC: If you could share one vital thing with everyone reading this, one pearl of Chiller Wisdom, what would it be?

C: Enjoy life every day. Always hug your loved ones, especially your kids, and always love your pets. They are just as precious. All they want is your love. Treat others as you would want to be treated. Your friends are your friends for a reason. Always love them too. We are on this planet for a short time, try to make it the best you can. Love what you have, cause there are people who have less. Never listen to Ch1ller. They think they know everything.

With that, he flipped his cowl over his head, buried his hands deep within his sleeves, looking more like a Prince of the Church than the Earl of Hell. As his cloaked figured glided over the grounds and back to the crypt, I was left to ponder how I had gotten here, what we had talked about, and more importantly, how I was going to get home.

I have met some very cool and interesting people in my short time here on Planet Earth. As the great poet of our generation, Billy Joel, once said, “So many faces in and out of my life / Some will last / Some will be just now and then.” One of those people who lasted is the author of a seminal text in my field of research, Sandow the Magnificant.

Today marks Sandow’s 140 birthday. As such, my friend sent me this email and picture:

Dear Friends,

Today is April 2, Eugen Sandow's 140th birthday. I've attached a greeting, and I'm sending it to a few people who might appreciate it. The image may be silly, but the intent is serious: to remind us of Sandow and his contributions to both the world in general and our lives in particular.

Happy Birthday to the man who inspired many of us and enriched all of our lives.

Best wishes

My other nephew was born today!!!! I’m an uncle again!!!!